JOURNEY TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT PART 1

 

So for about a month and a half now I’ve decided that I want/need change in my life or should I say I think i’ve reached the point in my life (yeah i know I’m only 21) that I know that there is more to it. More to waking up everyday, taking a shower, walking my dog, feeding him and my cat then going to work, then going home. Of course the occasional outings, events, parties, etc. I must say I didn’t come to this realisation and decision just on my own. This guy I met at work for about two months now maybe. He seems to have everything planned out for his life, which i admire about him so I took that seriously.

    Honestly guys, I want so much out of life. I want to finish college, travel, explore new cultures, meet new people,learn a new language, party (like i haven’t done enough of that lol) , become successful(financially stable) and just.. happy. 
    Okay, self improvement and personal development. How to go about it. Now, disclaimer, I’m no expert. Lol like not at all. Just something I’m determined and passionate about and why should I not share it. 
First thing should be is to set out goals. I mean why else do you want to improve ? What results would you like? One of my goals is to become successful. How broad is that right ? lol. Let me break it down : I need to change my mindset, I need to save, try to maintain positive thoughts, believe in myself, live with intensity meaning to be strong and my put everything into everything I do. Lastly, prayer… SELF-DISCIPLINE IS THE KEY. 

  I’ve read that self-improvement presents new opportunities. It increases your self esteem which results in becoming a better person. My challenge is letting go of the past, getting out my comfort zone and to commit to growing. 

Ok bleh enough get to the point right? The best way I believe to improve os by setting time by yourself and reading and researching. So far to be honest lol, I’ve read one book, Your a Badass: How to Stop Doubting your Greatness and start living an Awesome Life by Jen sincere. Its a good read and I recommend it fully. A must read that I’m going to order is Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I’ve read couple pages and I’m impressed and excited to start. 

To be continued… ! 🙂

    

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Success in no accident

  Reform negative thoughts into positive. 
         Visualize your goals coming true.

  • Know exactly what you want to achieve
  • Know why you want to achieve it
  • Know the kind of person you need to become
  • Program your mind to make it happen.

Well Look Whose Back…(Better Days)

WOW. lol Where have I been ???? Honestly i just stumbled on this website. Omg I forgot all about this 😦 But here I am. I think the reason I’m here and typing is because of a recent event that happened. Ok so guys.. I’m living/walking/talking/breathing  (whatever!!) miracle. 
          So on August 11th, of this year 2017, i almost lost my life. It’s really a embarrassing story and disappointing story because it’s my fault. And not only did i almost lost my life, almost killed a friend and a complete stranger. Ok so on this summer night my friend and I decided to got for food at this restaurant on the western side of the island. Before we went she hyped me up about this drink this particular restaurant has. The Mojito Bucket’. Ok so i’m hyped and excited about trying this. Knowing i’m the designated driver and all. But that didn’t matter at the time of course or even went through my mind. We were accompanied by a family member of my friend who suggested this restaurant and drink. Yes I’m being vague about the names and places , lol just for security reasons. Anyway fast forward , we’re having a blast ok? I’m a bit tipsy laughing smiling and dancing (to no music lol) It’s so amazing because we were having fun and taking pictures like it was our last. :/ Anyway we’re leaving the restaurant me and my friend who i came with.(told me about the restaurant) . Now her family member was driving by himself so he followed us while I’m ahead.

Now this around 12:45 am on Friday. I’m drunk yes but I really didn’t think so yinno, i thought i was straight able to drive because well i drove to a certain point so far. So now I want to speed (idiot I know) . And during that time thats when it happened . My car lost control, flipped over hitting someone else’s car and a wall of someones home. I tell you this now I to this day, 4 days after, I have NO CLUE how me and my friend got out and are alive. Because the outcome of both cars in the accident are deadly. So none of us got seriously hurt just bruises and soreness. 

Now today, currently. I’m at fault (DUH). I’m dealing with guilt, disappointed, insurance company, the police .. soo much more I don’t have the words to describe. I’m a complete mess mentally but I’m strong you know too strong i think sometimes. Honestly i thought this was going to be an eye opener for me you know. A life changer (who knows though) I just don’t feel no different. Everyone who knows about the accident os saying how i;m so lucky, blessed, God warning me, miracle , that i have a living testimony. And i totally agree but i Just don’t feel no change. just nothing. Im basically back to how life was before.. depending on my brother for a ride. It’s soooo frustrating and crazy because not only did i just started driving this car for about 3 weeks now but my brother but so much money in to it and stupid me stupidly ruined it. Like wow.I’’m awful. also i feel that my brother is being so soft on me, no i don’t accept to get beating or grounded but… just some shouting you know lol ? but i guess he’s more happy i’m alive because seriously you guys i don’t think i was suppose to make well at least people who get in accidents like that don’t survive. No i haven’t apologise to my brother like i probably should neither the lady who I ran in to. and this is the issue !! , someone who got in a accident like that would automatically feel like they should but i don’t :/ i;m the sameeee ! selfish mess.. sigh 

Anywho , how do i feel now ? what’s next? 

well this was a life lesson that i 100% needed. I do/did need to slow down on the going out swell (especially ) the drinking. Yes i’ve learned from this. so now back to the drawing board or square one. I need to save. focus on myself mentally and spiritually  guess because i’m basically on house arrest for a while lol. 

I’m still in denial this actually happen to me. like woah. And i always thought and told my self that i will be careful and not stupid when it came to driving and there it happens. so weird. 

In closing i hope i can get back at writing and expressing myself and whats going on in my life.. Other than that event i guess life is ok. I’m working now, since April at this new hotel here in the Bahamas.. retail department .. no its not the best and fun department but i’m making money and thats all that sorta matters right now.. yes my happiness to but thats on whole for further notice. So i’m just going through the days..

Thats life.. its’s crazy. I do need to buckle up myself though I’m 21 now and I want a lot out of life .. I want clothes shoes you know? expensive things I want to travel and I still want to go off to school.  I think about how i’m going to achieve these things. GOD? I don’t know why I’m so scared and in so much doubt about him like this accident wasn’t enough for me to realise ? (thats part of me saying that) or could just be simply luck that i’m still here.. I DONT KNOW and i hate it !!

Sigh. thats it for me. Night xoxoxoxo 

Well Hello There June

Heyyyyy. I haven’t been on this since April !! lol but as usual i start things and then don’t keep up but i’m backkkk and Happy June lol.

So , sadly i’m still in the same position i was in since the beginning of this year and its quite sad :/I’m still phone less .. jobless and sorta of friend less .. and its SUMMER !!

UGHHHH . but the sorta good news is that I’m typing this post on my tv i got this cord were i can hook up my laptop to my computer and i’m in love

BTW I’m only ranting so excuse how this looks i just want to  type with no care

too yeah I’m still at home day by day .. its annoying af but yinno i try to make the best go it ….. watch may movies and tv shows and of course my music non stop.

So what are my june plans ?lol IDEK !! I STILL WANT/NEED A JOBB

 

like yesterday i spent some time thinking to myself how everyone has jobs and able to have their own money and things are going well for them yinno like i just don’t understtand and its really frustrating …….,

 

to be continued .. lmao no I’m not drunk the is just hard to type on this wireless keyboard

 

but i will be back !!!!

 

So Far…

IMG_4866I'm 20 years old. Which is young and I have much more things to learn,see and people to meet. I still have my dreams and aspirations that I am determined to achieve. It amazes me and sorta of scares me that I have SO much things to experience. Ok, so what have I done so far? (Not much) I graduated high school in 2014, went to college after that summer. I experienced the work environment as an intern at a local media house. And now i'm not in college and unemployed. Yes, such a disappointment. Not just to myself but to my mother. I think about it everyday. I think about where I went wrong and if I didn't. Seriously I do. 
But what I really wanted to talk about is what I got or learnt from being herefor 2 decades.I haven't thought about this until I started typing, so bare with me. 
Firstly, life is hard. I never thought i would say this especially back in school. But it is. Yeah Yeah I know "i'm only 20, i don't anything about life". Well just because I haven't experienced much.. I observe, a lot. Next, taking things for granted will truly show how thats not the smartest thing. I'm super guilty of this and angry at myself. I took my mother for granted when she was still with me and of course I didn't realise then, sorta took high school for granted I didn't do the best I could of.I took having money for granted. Sigh now that right there gets to me all the time. I took good opportunities or timing for granted and lastly,this doesn't have anything with taking for granted, but the main thing i learnt about life. You may disagree but theres believe me it is true : At the end of the you only have yourself. Why do i feel that way ? Well even the your happy, yes you may express or share your happiness with your friends or whoever .. you only have yourself. When making decisions, people might encourage you or discourage you or whatever .. you only have yourself. Angry and of course sad .. you only have yourself. When you want to get something done .. you only have yourself. I'm not saying you can't have great friends that will help you or be there for you but the way I see it and i think i all always is see is that you only have yourself so thats why to me it does not matter what people think or say to you. They do not matter. No one is here for me when I'm sad, down or crying. Sometimes even when i'm in my room happy watching movies or listening to music. Oh Gosh, I really do not want to come of as selfish or ignorant or whatever word you may think. I'm just rambling from my life and observing. But I think it's good that i'm this way. In life wherever I may go for example I want to go off to school, by myself. So in a different country and by myself? So i'm prepared for this. I would't expect no one to help me or be kind. But if they do I will welcome it. And also to anything, i'm not implying I wouldn't share good or bad times with people but I just like to keep in mind that it's just me, this is MY life, i'm in control, I make decisions, choices. 
What else have i learnt so far ? Well everyone knows this.. but life is short and it could end anytime and I myself have seen that happen. It terrifies me because I do not want that to happen to me. I want to have a chance of a great life. I want to look back at this writing and  smile or cry .. whatever. Just look back and think about how things change for the better. How I grew up. 
The person I am today is selfish at times,cold,judgmental,sensitive,stubborn but also quiet, easily amused, outgoing, confident(some times) admirable. I hate the way I am sometimes but other times love it and i'm learning to except it. Ok lol I'm off topic.
But that is a apart of what I learnt so far in life. I look forward to learning, experiencing, meeting, seeing,thinking,hearing,touching (lol idk what else) stuff/things through life.