So Far…

IMG_4866I'm 20 years old. Which is young and I have much more things to learn,see and people to meet. I still have my dreams and aspirations that I am determined to achieve. It amazes me and sorta of scares me that I have SO much things to experience. Ok, so what have I done so far? (Not much) I graduated high school in 2014, went to college after that summer. I experienced the work environment as an intern at a local media house. And now i'm not in college and unemployed. Yes, such a disappointment. Not just to myself but to my mother. I think about it everyday. I think about where I went wrong and if I didn't. Seriously I do. 
But what I really wanted to talk about is what I got or learnt from being herefor 2 decades.I haven't thought about this until I started typing, so bare with me. 
Firstly, life is hard. I never thought i would say this especially back in school. But it is. Yeah Yeah I know "i'm only 20, i don't anything about life". Well just because I haven't experienced much.. I observe, a lot. Next, taking things for granted will truly show how thats not the smartest thing. I'm super guilty of this and angry at myself. I took my mother for granted when she was still with me and of course I didn't realise then, sorta took high school for granted I didn't do the best I could of.I took having money for granted. Sigh now that right there gets to me all the time. I took good opportunities or timing for granted and lastly,this doesn't have anything with taking for granted, but the main thing i learnt about life. You may disagree but theres believe me it is true : At the end of the you only have yourself. Why do i feel that way ? Well even the your happy, yes you may express or share your happiness with your friends or whoever .. you only have yourself. When making decisions, people might encourage you or discourage you or whatever .. you only have yourself. Angry and of course sad .. you only have yourself. When you want to get something done .. you only have yourself. I'm not saying you can't have great friends that will help you or be there for you but the way I see it and i think i all always is see is that you only have yourself so thats why to me it does not matter what people think or say to you. They do not matter. No one is here for me when I'm sad, down or crying. Sometimes even when i'm in my room happy watching movies or listening to music. Oh Gosh, I really do not want to come of as selfish or ignorant or whatever word you may think. I'm just rambling from my life and observing. But I think it's good that i'm this way. In life wherever I may go for example I want to go off to school, by myself. So in a different country and by myself? So i'm prepared for this. I would't expect no one to help me or be kind. But if they do I will welcome it. And also to anything, i'm not implying I wouldn't share good or bad times with people but I just like to keep in mind that it's just me, this is MY life, i'm in control, I make decisions, choices. 
What else have i learnt so far ? Well everyone knows this.. but life is short and it could end anytime and I myself have seen that happen. It terrifies me because I do not want that to happen to me. I want to have a chance of a great life. I want to look back at this writing and  smile or cry .. whatever. Just look back and think about how things change for the better. How I grew up. 
The person I am today is selfish at times,cold,judgmental,sensitive,stubborn but also quiet, easily amused, outgoing, confident(some times) admirable. I hate the way I am sometimes but other times love it and i'm learning to except it. Ok lol I'm off topic.
But that is a apart of what I learnt so far in life. I look forward to learning, experiencing, meeting, seeing,thinking,hearing,touching (lol idk what else) stuff/things through life. 
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